As we used to say while shooting “Evil Dead” all night for eleven weeks 42 years ago, “The blue gels have arrived,” meaning it’s getting light, and thank God we can stop shooting and go to bed.
In the great 1962 classic film, “The Longest Day,” about the D-Day invasion, the allies create a ploy by dropping two foot rubber paratroopers loaded with firecrackers to mislead the Germans. When the German high command finds out what’s happening, as the information moves up the line by phone, each officer proclaims in German, “Gummi puppens?” He calls his CO and he says, “Gummi puppens?” Then his CO says, “Gummi puppens?”
As I’ve mentioned, I walk around my entire neighborhood most every day. It’s 7/8 of a mile. I always keep my eyes peeled for sharp objects like nails and screws, and I pick them up so nobody gets a flat tire, including me. Over twenty-one years I have easily found over 100 nails, screws, and occasionally money. Yesterday I found a severely run-over, bent and corroded quarter. When I told this story about ten years ago, my old girlfriend Lisa asked, “What do you do with the nails and screws?” I said, “I throw them in the woods.” Lisa became concerned and said, “But what if animals step on them?”
At some point in the last ten years they removed the swear words from rock songs. Like in Pink Floyd’s “Money,” they bleeped out “too goody good bullshit.” In Steve Miller’s “Big Old Jet Airliner” they changed it from “funky shit goin’ down in the city” to “funky shiz goin’ down in the city.” Then, every time I heard Dire Straits’ “Money for Nothing” - the last great rock guitar lick - somewhere in the back of my mind I thought, “When will they get this song?” I mean, come on: “The little faggot in the earrings and the makeup/Yeah, man, that’s his only care/The little faggot in the earrings and the makeup has got his own jet airplane/That little faggot he’s a millionaire.” Anyway, they, whoever they are, got it and changed it to audio mush.
One of my favorite songs, “How Many More Times,” from Led Zeppelin I, has perhaps one of the most unwoken lyrics ever: “But I’ve got ten children of my own/I’ve got another child on the way, that makes eleven/I’m in constant hell/I know it’s all right in my mind/I got a little schoolgirl/And she’s all mine.”
A guy goes to the doctor, who says,”I’m sorry, Mr. Smith, but you’ll have to stop masturbating.” Mr. Smith asks, “Why?” The doctor says, “I have to examine you.”
The sun never came out.
Maybe tomorrow.