8/28/22
Newsletter86
The Crack of Dawn
At 5:00 AM it’s still dark outside.
On The Simpsons Ariana Huffington asked someone (maybe Marge) who was the celebrity at her charity benefit? The answer was, “Steven Baldwin.” Ariana Huffington says, “Steven Baldwin? That’s like not having any Baldwin at all.” I directed Steven in the SyFy Network epic, (Stan Lee’s) Harpies. Steven never read the script, never knew his lines, and wouldn’t get into his costume. We were shooting in the biggest museum in Sofia, Bulgaria, and had a very limited amount of time before we were thrown out. The entire cast and crew was ready to shoot, but alas, Steven hadn’t yet gotten into his costume, so we all sat and waited. Finally, the script supervisor said wistfully, “Well, you know, he is a movie star.” I said, “No, he’s the brother of a movie star.”
I heard this joke in 5th grade and didn’t understand it: Why is Stevie Wonder like a tampon? He’s uptight, outta sight, and in the groove.
And now for fun facts: what are the eastern-most and western-most places in America? The Aleutian Islands off the coast of Alaska stretch all the way to the edge of the Western Hemisphere, then cross over into the Eastern Hemisphere, so it’s both. Where is the only place in the United States where the U.S. is north of Canada? Detroit, which sticks out into the Detroit River above Windsor, Ontario.
I had the great pleasure of informing Anthony Quinn, “Do you realize that you gave the shortest Oscar-winning performance in history?” He looked surprised, shook his head and said, “No.” I said, “Yes, in Lust for Life (1956). You’re only in the picture for seven minutes, and you won Best Supporting Actor.” He said, “No kidding.” I failed to tell him that he had since been tied. Beatrice Straight won Best Supporting Actress for Network (1976), also with a seven-minute performance.
I checked to see if she was still alive, but didn’t get answer. Well, they say don’t speak ill of the dead, but one probably shouldn’t do it about the living, either. But, as my old girlfriend used to say, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, come sit next to me.” So, because he’s a mensch, Sam Raimi gave Edna Paul the editing credit on Evil Dead. Edna did cut the film. And when she believed that the film was properly assembled and only needed some trimming, she sent it from her editing room in NYC to Detroit. The film was 130-minutes long; two hours and ten minutes. When we finished watching the endlessly long first cut, Sam moaned, “My career is over, and it hasn’t started yet.” Bruce Campbell, Rob Tapert and I all agreed that the film had to be taken away from Edna. But how? She had all the footage. Being young and stupid, I had just purchased a 1969 Postal Jeep with the steering wheel on the left. I said to Sam, “Jump in my new car, we’ll drive to New York and get all the footage.” We did just that. The next thing you know we’re in Edna’s tiny editing room in Manhattan with her assistant, Joel Coen. Sam went into a song and dance about how perfect the film was and that it didn’t need any more cutting. That night Sam and I crashed on the floor of Joel and his brother Ethan’s apartment, then the next day we loaded up all the footage and drove back to Detroit. Sam then spent the next six or eight months recutting every shot in the movie and removing 45-minutes until it was at its present length of 85-minutes.
Surprisingly, when the U.S. government put out a call for a simple, cheap army vehicle at the outset of WWII, the small car company, Willys-Overland in Toledo, Ohio, got the contract. In 1953 Willys merged with Kaiser Motors, which became Kaiser Jeep. In 1969 Kaiser got out of the car business, and in 1970 American Motors started making Jeeps. Little did I know when I paid $500 for my 1969 Postal Jeep that for the one year between Kaiser and AMC, it was the Jeep Corporation, and all the parts for Jeeps made in 1969 were impossible to get. Thus, my Postal Jeep became a worthless piece of shit as soon as I needed a part.
It is just starting to get light out.