9/9/22
Newsletter92
The Crack of Dawn
I lived in my last apartment in L.A., which was actually in Santa Monica, from 1995 to 2001. Many kooky characters came and went. There was a big, strapping young man who had recently arrived from somewhere in the Midwest to make it in the movies. His plan was to work his way up through the editing room, which is a perfectly logical plan. He got a job cutting porno movies. Day after day he would tell me how good the films were, and that I really had to watch them. I finally said, “OK, let me see what you consider to be the best one.” It starred a pretty girl and ripped guy who were fucking on a plank of wood in a vineyard. When it cut in to a close-up of their genitals, there was a swarm of gnats all around them. I gasped and turned off the film. The next day the fellow asked me, “So, what did you think?” I said, “Their genitals were engulfed in a swarm of gnats.” He looked surprised and said, “Oh, you noticed that.” I said, “There was no missing it.” He nodded thoughtfully and said, “I thought we were getting away with it.” I said, “You’re not. And if that’s the best one, spare me all the rest.”
Another short-term tenant in the building was a chunky, blond fellow from Georgia with a thick southern accent who wanted to be a rapper. He’d back everyone into a corner and rap at them. His shtick was that his songs were socially responsible. He’d have me in a corner at the mailboxes and rap: Stay in school/And do your homework/Study real hard/And don’t be a jerk. He didn’t last six months.
A young hippy dude also wanted to get into the movies through editing. His apartment was decorated with ten bongs, and nothing else. Instead of actually getting a job in an editing room, he spent all of his money buying an early digital editing system. But then he had nothing to cut. I made use of this situation and he and I edited the stock footage front title sequence of my film, If I Had a Hammer (2001). I think that’s the only thing he ever cut on that system. One day he was gone. He had inexplicably joined the army.
My good buddy in the building was Pato Hoffman. Pato was a tall, ridiculously handsome Native American actor. Due to the success of Dances With Wolves (1990) and Unforgiven (1992), Hollywood was making westerns at that time, and Pato was cast in speaking roles in a number of them: Geronimo: An American Legend (1993) with Robert Duvall, Wild Bill (1995) with Jeff Bridges, and many TNT western films. Pato got his big break in a Roger Corman film called Cheyenne Warrior (1994) in which he co-starred with Kelly Preston (John Travolta’s wife), which wasn’t bad, but it got Pato nowhere. He finally moved back to Bolivia where he was born.
Also living in that building was a nice young lady named O’Hara Hartman who worked as a nanny for her uncle. Her father (I think his name was Paul), was a big-shot musician’s manager, and at various times handled: The Eagles, Crosby, Stills & Nash, Jackson Browne, and many others. He got his younger brother, Phil Hartman, his first jobs designing album covers, and Phil created the logo for the Eagles. Phil then went into comedy and co-wrote the wonderful film, Pee Wee’s Big Adventure (1985), spent eight years on Saturday Night Live, then did voices on The Simpsons (like Troy McClure, “You may remember me from such films as P is for Psycho”). One day his wife shot him to death, then killed herself. My neighbor, O’Hara, was their kids’ nanny. Upon the death of Phil and his wife their kids were sent to live with a relative, and O’Hara lost her job.
And another glorious day awaits us.