7/22/22
Newsletter49
The Crack of Dawn
As I begin, it is night.
Before Sam Goldwyn went into the movies, when he was still Sam Goldfish, he was the greatest glove salesman in the world. In the 1890s all elegant men and women wore gloves. Sam lived in Gloversville, NY, where the main industry was glove manufacturing, and Sam made good money selling American gloves. But and the most fashionable and expensive gloves were made in France, and the reason they were so expensive was because of the high American tariff on French imports. So Sam purchased 5,000 pairs of French gloves wholesale, then had them separated into two clearly marked boxes: Left gloves and Right gloves. He had the box of left gloves sent to the port of NY, and had the right gloves sent to the port of New Orleans. When no one claims imported goods, they are put up for auction. When the left gloves were put up for auction at the port of NY, and the auctioneer said, “How much will you pay for 5,000 French left gloves?” Nobody made an offer but Sam, who said, “Ten dollars.” He won. He did the same thing in New Orleans, then made a fortune selling the French gloves.
Walden Robert “Bobby” Cassotto contracted rheumatic fever as a child that seriously damaged his heart. He was told he wouldn’t live to be 16. Bobby desperately wanted to be a star like his hero, Frank Sinatra. He began writing songs with his buddy Don Kirschner. Knowing he had to change his name to be a performer, he saw a Chinese restaurant in his neighborhood in the Bronx with half the neon sign burned out, so instead of saying, “Mandarin,” it just said, “darin,” and he became Bobby Darin. In 1958 he co-wrote and recorded “Splish Splash” and it became a big hit. In 1959 he wrote and recorded, “Dream Lover,” which became a #1 hit. In 1960 he covered “Mack the Knife,” which was the biggest hit of the year. He went into the movies, married the hot young star, Sandra Dee, and in 1963 was nominated for an Oscar for his performance in “Captain Newman, M.D.,” but lost. He died in 1973 at the age of 37.
And since the wonderful Sarah Silverman won’t do stand-up comedy anymore because her bad taste comedy doesn’t fly in our present “woke” environment, I’ll repeat some of her jokes. She said that she likes to watch porno movies to see if Jews are well-represented. She imitates a Jewish girl in a porno, “Give to me in the touchis!” She said her young niece said, “Isn’t it terrible that Hitler killed sixty-million Jews.” Sarah replied, “No, honey, he only killed six million Jews. Sixty million would be unforgivable.” She and her boyfriend were out with another couple, and the woman asked, “What do you two use for contraception?” Sarah replied, “He usually just cums on my face.”
And gosh darn if the sky isn’t light and a new day begins.
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