9/28/22
Newsletter111
The Crack of Dawn
The first time I met Jean-Claude Van Damme (real name, Jean-Claude Camille François Van Varenberg) was at my buddy Sheldon’s apartment in L.A. in 1986. He was there with his first (and third) wife, bodybuilder Gladys Portugues. At that point Jean-Claude had appeared in a supporting role in one movie, and was this ripped, overly-ambitious Belgian whose favorite topic was himself, and how, given the chance, he could kick the shit out of anybody. When Sheldon informed Jean-Claude that I had directed a feature film that was presently in release, I found myself out on the sidewalk with Jean-Claude, his ripped, gnarly arm around my shoulders hugging me too tight, and him saying, “We make movies together, yes?” I thought, “Not in a million years, motherfucker, and let go of me,” but I smiled and nodded.
Sheldon would soon launch Jean-Claude’s career with Bloodsport (1988), but before that he was trying to make deals with everybody, and had projects at low-budget production companies all over town (which would soon come back to haunt him). Sheldon kindly tried to bring me in on this impending phenomenon. I next found myself in Jean-Claude and Gladys’s shitty little apartment – the walls were covered in photos of her in bodybuilding poses – with Sheldon attempting to write a script with Jean-Claude. Sheldon and I both dutifully had pads of paper and pens in our hands, as Jean-Claude, attired in only gym shorts, stalked the apartment like a caged lion, occasionally proclaiming, “Arnold and Sly, they fear me.” In the course of a couple of days I don’t Sheldon or I wrote anything down.
I attended the Bloodsport premiere on Hollywood Blvd. and it was obvious right away that it was a hit. That was the best premiere I’ve ever seen. The audience went nuts. And indeed the film opened big and immediately Jean-Claude was somebody. I ran into him on Hollywood Blvd. about two weeks later and said, “Congratulations. Your film is a big hit.” Moaning and shaking his head sadly, Jean-Claude said, “Oh, you don’t know what kind of problems I have.” I said, “Who cares? Your film is a hit.” Jean-Claude looked at me with burning anger in his eyes, and pointed into my face, “You don’t understand my problems. Ask Sheldon. He’ll explain.” I held out my open hand and said, “Gotta dime, I’ll call him right now.” Jean-Claude was so furious at the world at that moment he just stomped away.
So then my other friends, Rob Tapert and Sam Raimi, got involved with Jean-Claude. They made Hard Target (1993), director John Woo’s American debut, and based on the story, The Most Dangerous Game, which some film historians consider the most rehashed story in Hollywood history. My buddy, Gary, did the squibs – the explosive bullet hits – on the film. He’d ask John Woo, “So, when the guy gets shot, you figure two, three bullet in the chest?” John would reply, “No, a hundred squibs!” and he wasn’t kidding. And the film made money.
But as the slave whispers in the ear of the triumphant warrior entering Rome, “All fame is fleeting.” Some folks use it up really fast, like, say, Yahoo Serious or Jean-Claude Van Damme.
The next year, Rob and Sam make Timecop (1994) with Jean-Claude, which may be the most expensive movie of his career ($20 million, I think). There was no premiere. Rob, his girlfriend and my great pal, Jane, and I went and saw the movie opening night at a multiplex theater on Hollywood Blvd. It was a full house. When Jean-Claude’s name appeared on the screen the audience clapped and cheered, then never made another sound for the next 99-minutes, including the half-dozen martial arts scenes. As we all glumly left the theater, Rob muttered, “It tested really well, I don’t understand.” As the three of us drove along Laurel Canyon Blvd. not speaking, the silence became oppressive and Rob blurted, “I’m sorry I couldn’t supply better entertainment for the evening.”
Jean-Claude’s bubble had burst. He had five years in the sun. Sheldon got the best films out of him with: Bloodsport, Lionheart (1991) and Double Impact (1991). Sheldon made several other films with Jean-Claude, one of which is The Order (2001). This was Charlton Heston’s last film, and Sheldon said that he was a pleasure to work with, which pleases me. There is a great sequence in the movie. Sheldon told me there was a huge crowd watching them shoot this scene in Jersusalem, equally mixed between Arabs and Jews. Jean-Claude is being chased by Israeli policeman across the top of the Wailing Wall, and Jean-Claude just kicks the shit out of these cops who go sailing off the wall in every direction. In perfect harmony for perhaps the first time in a thousand years, both Arabs and Jews screamed with laughter and joy as Jean-Claude destroyed these Israeli cops.
Bon jour.